The dishes with paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I
find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest!
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run!
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl
up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to me stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
also know that sticking the tail straight out and having your tongue
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit
from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn
the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door
open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Furthermore, I
have been using the bathroom for years, canine attendance is not
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the
other dog's butt. I can not stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pet(s), I have posted the
following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets...
They live here, you don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
That's why they call it fur-niture.
We like our pets a lot better than we do most people.
To you, it's an animal. To us, they are our adopted children who
to be hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.